cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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