Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
