I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So. Much. Porn.
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