this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
