upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
