Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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