loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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