You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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