If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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