You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
