fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
my shit smells like andre
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My vagina just clenched in fear
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
