i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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