I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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