i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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