is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
