My boss' voice literally gives me gas
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
