it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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