I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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