I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
