I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
