The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize