I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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