I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
