I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
