I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize