i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
