I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
