I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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