There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
