I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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