Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
