He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
