Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize