im about as happy as oj after his trial
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
