I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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