i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
