Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize