there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
