Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
