I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
