Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
