Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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