He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
