i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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