Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
