my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize