These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
