Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I need water and some morals
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
