He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize