Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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