so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize