Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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