Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
