Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Randomize
