just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
