You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
