So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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