He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize