I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
