Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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