we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
