Christians are straight up FREAKS
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
