you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
