he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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