i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
