p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
