I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
