i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
