My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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