I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
