And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
