I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
