I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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