I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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