I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You need a sexual gate keeper
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
