I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize