The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
