the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Randomize
