I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
