There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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