please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
