I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
