Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
