Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
