oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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