Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
