**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
