I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
